Original to be found here: http://www.bluebirdnews.co.uk/sophie-clarke-week-2/
I had such plans for this week’s column, such plans. First I sat through a Women’s Blues Committee meeting, and was going to write about Korfball, parity in and between sports, and the half blue divide, but the Tab got there first. Then I had the bright idea to write about Heather Watson’s comments regarding menstruation and sport but quite a few people discussed that better than I ever could. By Thursday I was trying to write a column based on the phrase ‘summer bodies are made in the winter’ but my disgust made every piece I wrote very short, because it turns out bodies are bodies, our bodies, and I don’t much care what season they are ‘suited’ for as long as it does what I need it to do (push people under water, throw weights around, run marathons) and I take care of it (should probably leave off the sugar, it does nothing for recovery time).
So now I’m stuck. I could recourse back to some old favourite topics: why doesn’t Cambridge University have a swimming pool? Why don’t Ryder and Amies stock women’s Blues blazers? Why can’t I resist Reese’s Pieces?
(It was the saddest day of my life on Sunday when I saw they’d replaced Reese’s with mini eggs in the plastic bowl halfway down the self service queue in Sainsbury’s.)
But the best laid plans ‘aft gang agley’ so:
TOP THINGS I HEAR ON SWAPS
I’d like to publicly call out the boy from horse polo who was meant to turn up dressed as Wooster to last week’s swap. My Jeeves outfit was amazing and you really missed out. Super poor form.
1. ‘So what do you do?’
2. ‘Wait, so you’re how old?’
3. ‘No, really, how old?’
4. ‘So you’re actually a real Blue?’
You would not believe the amount of times, especially later in the night at dinners and things, people just assume you’ve nicked the blazer. Yeh, I know it looks boxy, and on swimmers shoulders it’s a genuine issue. Where’s the petition for getting it cut differently if you want already?
5. ‘Is [NAME A SPORT] really so difficult?’
Let’s have you try it, and we’ll see.
6. ‘Are all your team lesbians?’
Why is this a question? Genuinely why are you asking me this?
7. ‘How often do you train?’
The worst bit is when you answer, and get a sort of pitying head shake in return. Oh, poor girls. Can’t handle any more. See above: why doesn’t Cambridge have its own pool?
8. ‘Why don’t you shave your legs/your pits/your bikini line? Do you do it to scare the opposition?’
Ok this is actually a question I get asked at matches rather than swaps – no, I’m not even lying. Manners truly are dead. Oh. My. God. I’ve played in mixed matches where a boy has genuinely recoiled in horror at grasping my leg and finding it not smooth. I’ve also had my fair share of see through swim costumes, especially a couple of years ago when we dealt with a couple of fairly rogue comments about ‘new hairstyles’ from several of the men’s team. Urgh, grow up. Have you ever thought about how much effort remaining hairless is, and combined with the fact that you’re always showering at the pool/the gym/the boyf’s it’s a nightmare. Maybe it does have the fortunate effect of scaring the opposition. Or maybe I’m just super lazy. Maybe it’s Maybelline.
9. ‘Could you beat me in an arm wrestle?’
No, but Rosanna O’Keeffe probably would.
10. ‘Do you want a drink?’
Oh, go on. Twist my arm, I’ll have a tequila – here’s some cash.
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